Saturday, May 21, 2011

scattering of joy

"This short, precious life, I have spent so much time scattering joy to so many. A move to another state in Australia feels so right, so why am I equally terrified as well as excited? I have been wanting to move to Melbourne ever since I went there as a young art student, way back in late 1993, to see a Van Gogh exhibition. It felt right then, it felt right a year and a half ago, it feels like "home"...
(not many places have felt like that, even most of NZ)
I have many dear friends here in Sydney now, but it is not enough. I have family, but it is not enough either. I came to Australia for my career. I had taken things as far as I could take them in New Zealand.
Without work (paid or otherwise), constant work, MY work - the work I've chosen, that chose me!! (the work that I created that  I can see to do, when there are a lot of things I cannot see enough to do in this world) - The teaching, the aforementioned "scattering of joy" (apologies, Emerson) & light.
Without a constant market willing to give me that work, family and friends will never be enough. Like it says in the song, "just cause I'm leaving, doesn't mean I love you any less"... I feel stuck, broke, heartbroke, helpless, my self esteem wavering, unsure.
I must once again employ & re-engage my troubador heart... Painfully extract my roots from this so-called home. Throw myself to the wind, uncertainty, change and the challenge once more;
Begin again, shed this snake's skin again!! Pack my bags, discard the clutter and safety I've built around me... I must follow and listen to my heart's call and voice once more. My intuition tells me that this is the right time. Melbourne's harsh winter does not scare this 'kiwi boy'.
Like I said somewhere above... For all those I leave behind, I love you no less!! The precious moments we've shared over the last three years, they inspire me still. I close my eyes and so many memories make me smile. They will add fuel to my journey ahead, light my uncertain path and help me grow more confident. Sure, I am broke, brokenhearted, more than a little scared - but I am happy.
The time is right. NOW. This monkey's journey begins again: Your blessings & well wishes mean the world to me - let's stay in touch... in this crazy, beautiful rollercoaster adventure called life!! And your company in the journey makes it SO MUCH more enjoyable & memorable!!"

(BRENT HARPUR, 9/5/2011.)

"A ship is safe in harbour - but that's not what ships are for." (John Shedd)
FOOTNOTE: I actually decided to move on my birthday, November 5th, 2010. But I was distracted from this decision for a little while. A big thank you to the distraction. Life sometimes surprises me in delightful & wonderful ways I could never have dreamt possible!! (thank you, JC)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Orion Chase Sirius

eleven short years
have passed.

I am no longer
the failed astronomer...

I guess I am now the
failed astronomer.

thank you for the
BEST five months of my life.

(I am more afraid
of never seeing your smile again,
than I am of going blind)

these hands
that you once so lovingly admired,
they are now covered
in self-inflicted scars;

You pulled a loose thread
on my heart, girl
& have unwittingly
unraveled the stars.

& when I used to move
inside you,
you'd gently touch my face
& I'd close my eyes;

and in the darkness I'd see
a glimpse of eternity,
an expanding universe
of mystery:

& Orion chase Sirius
your moon-lit skies!!


I close my eyes,
wherever you are
your smile
will always burn inside me...

Like a fucken supernova!!

(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"I like to think that the moon is there, even if I am not looking at it." (Albert Einstein)