Tuesday, April 21, 2015

How did any of this happen...? (the lost blog post)

How did any of this

How does this ever


I certainly didn't plan any of this.

Let alone 
anticipate it.

It just (well)

And it doesn't usually happen
like this.

Not for me.

it is very simple:

I am in love,
or I am

All. Or. Nothing.

an in-between.

But with you
my dear

it was very different.

Right from the start.

With you,
there was immediate


And when,

two days later
you asked me

"Do you love me?"

And I replied:

"Yes. I think I do."

I have never been so sure
of anything in my entire life.

And then you said:

"I love you, too."

We made love,
saw god in each other's faces
& souls.

And at that point,
my world,
my entire universe

cracked open.

I didn't realise it at the time
(but then again, perhaps I did)

that nothing
would ever be the same.



There would be
two defining points
in my life from that moment.

Before I met you.
those first two words
you said to me:

"Don't disappear."

nearly three months on
there is no
all or nothing.

I've spent a mere
eighteen days
at your side.

alone & together
I have barely known you

for (less than)
twelve weeks.

And yet.

And yet.

I feel like
you & I have known each other

And in such
a short time
my dear

I think you may know me
(certainly more about me)

than anyone else I know
on this entire planet.

How did any of this happen?

The last eight days
we were together in the desert,

even the times when we
lost each other:

I found myself
falling even more
in love with you
that I already was.

A little more
every day.

I've never experienced this before. 

A love
growing little by little by little.

I have never felt this before.
I want you to know I am not afraid.

Is this what it really means
to love,
& to be loved?

I am in uncharted waters.

I am completely
out of my depth here.
I am once more in the water-hole
with you, trusting you.
Skinny-dipping for the first time.

Despite my blindness,
driving a car for the first time.

Seeing shooting stars
with someone else
for the first time.  

How did any of this happen?
What comes next??
When will I see you again???

Nothing is certain.
But this "tremendous" heart

(needs?) you to know
one thing.

That last night we were together.

At four am,
when I woke up
and sobbed so many tears.

And you held me.
Comforted me.

I just want
you to know...

These were not tears
that came from knowing
that later
that same morning
we were
due to part.


These were tears
that came from knowing:

I had finally...

(certainly for the first time
in nearly eight years,
perhaps forty-six years
or a thousand?)

...found someone
I felt safe enough
to let it all 
come flooding out

to just


Be vulnerable. 

Just knowing

I was with someone...

Someone I trusted.

Someone who would hold me,
protect me.

And love me.

I just wanted to tell you that.

And now you know. 

(thank you)

How did any of this happen? How did any of this happen??

I don't know.

All I know
(with any certainty at all)
is this,

my dear:

I am so glad,
so delighted

that it has


(c) Brent Harpur 2015. 

“The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.” (J.M Barrie)

“Pan, who and what art thou?" he cried huskily.
"I'm youth, I'm joy," Peter answered at a venture, "I'm a little bird that has broken out of the egg."
(J.M. Barrie)

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” (Willie Nelson)

This poem was originally posted (and then promptly unposted a day later) on 21/4/2015. (Stop censoring yourself, Brent!!)


Monday, April 20, 2015

Fifteen Things I Have Come to Realise, In Her Absence...

Fifteen things I have come to realise, 
in her absence... *

* (in no partlcular order)

15. The Dr Seuss book 'Oh the Places You Will Go' will always sound best when read to you aloud & in an American accent.

14. When I eat mandarins, I get erotic thoughts.

13. Bruce Springsteen's 'Born to Run' album has become the unofficial soundtrack to my life.

12. Autumn is the most beautiful Season.

11. Kindred spirits & soul mates are generally not to be found on a crowded beach or in a noisy bar. **

10. When it comes to matters of the heart, I am a complete beginner.

9. Neil Gaiman and pumpkin soup cannot cure a bad case of "missing someone blues". However, they can come damn close.
(PS Patti Smith is the sexiest woman alive!!)

8. Even a chocoholic can get sick of chocolate.

7. Crickets & tree frogs can rival the beauty of birdsong.

6. When I grow up, I still want to be Han Solo.

5. Hand-written love letters from someone you love are the best thing in the entire Universe!!

4. Dragonflies have become more significant now than butterflies.

3. True friends allow you to feel sadness or disappointment. ***

2. Magic exists.

1.The Beatles were right: "Love is all you need."

** (unless the bar is hosting a poetry event.)
*** (or extreme homesickness.)

(c) Brent Harpur, 2015.

"Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone for others. Unfold your own myth." (Rumi)

"Just wrap your legs around these velvet rims & strap your hands across my engines." (Bruce Springsteen)