Tuesday, May 19, 2015

a code that is meant for you & I alone, even during an absence of penguins...




I will always 
be thankful
that when I arrived (unannounced)
to say goodbye,

you took it very well.

I had come such a long way,
and all my female posse agreed
that I should surprise you.

I hated myself for the
white lies I had to tell to achieve this...

I am glad you liked the teeshirt.

Please never forget
what it says,
on both
the front & the back.

And it was worth all those hours of 
public-transport endurance
for the memory of 
sitting together
on the top of the red 'City-Hopper'.

I love being by water with you:
It is where we have had some
wonderful times.

Even when there are no penguins.

My little cards in the State Library:
Surrender, simplicity, love.

And for that other memory
that will always
make me smile...

The briefest of moments in a bar:

(after some of the best
 wings, blue-cheese sauce
 & American dark ale in the Universe):

When you boldly took
this fellow-introvert by the hand
and led me through a
parting slow-motion red sea 

of alcohol,
Sharpies
& Economics students.

In that particular
fleeting moment,
I felt we were right back in our
very own movie again.

And I personally feel
that even the
crappier scenes of the last two days
should remain
in the Director's Cut.

I remember now
my friend Rosza & I agreeing,
over coffee
(and before my 2.5 day marathon
 of public transport):

"Two hundred dollars can
  buy you a lot of groceries,
  but it can also buy you

  a good* good-bye."



(c) Brent Harpur, 2015.

* well, mostly.

"I don't want to change you, I don't want to change you, I don't want to change your mind." (Damien Rice) 

"You cannot save people, you can only love them." (Anais Nin)

Monday, May 18, 2015

a permanent state of Spring // for tree & bird




Little bird, how can it be
you fit so comfortably in the branches
of this old tree?

I've waited here so long
for someone to come & offer me
such a familiar song.

Winter puffs and blows,
its icy bite threatens to sting;
but with you here in this tree
I'm blessed by a permanent state of Spring!!

Hear my leaves hiss in the breeze,
& your birdsong speaking my secret,
sacred language of trees.

Your song, your plumage
is like no other I've ever heard or seen.
While you're near these leaves,
I'll always try to shelter you,
evergreen.

No other feathered creatures'
fine advances
have felt like your feet upon these branches.

And it's true, I cannot offer
the freedom of von blue skies,
but I think we're of a kindred nature:
You and I.

Always know, when you're
needing to hide from the storm:
these leaves & branches of mine
will (try) to keep you warm.

I wake this morning
to find an empty roost, a couple of feathers,
you've flown again too soon /

But later this evening
I delight to find you've left (just for me),
tangled here in my branches...

...a full & yellow moon.


(c) Brent Harpur, 2015.

“We should meet in another life, we should meet in air, me and you.” (Sylvia Plath)

Saturday, May 16, 2015

childhood slowly returning // varying ghosts...


Late at night:

If you press your forehead
hard against the cool car window glass,
you can feel
the stars' slight fever-fire,
crackle & sparkle,
gently burning.

But all the houses & streetlamps
are a little too bright
to notice the
constellations & planets
slowly twisting,
unfurling, churning.

But by dawn's
first early purple light,
you will bear witness to the finest
of Venus' miracles,
yearning.

And your innocence,
magic and
childhood
(reflected in her
 soul, body, shower song
 and eyes):

Are slowly, surely
returning. 

***

I curse
these ghosts
that still haunt
my sheets
and bed,

and
sometimes
my dreams, too.

But I really miss
the ghost
that used to sing loudly 
in my shower...

And leave all her
wonderful shit
& family photographs
strewn about my
living space & bedroom. 


(c) Brent Harpur, 2015.


"Love me two times, then go away!!" (Jim Morrison, The Doors.)

“A photograph is a moral decision taken in one eighth of a second." (Salman Rushdie)

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

magic, part six...


Lying here together
 (under the milky way)
 in your little blue tent /

Every goosebump
  upon your perfect body:
  It was heaven-sent!


(c) Brent Harpur, 2015.

"Forever is composed of nows." (Emily Dickinson)

"We are stardust, we are golden. And we have to find our way back to the garden." ('Woodstock', Joni Mitchell)



   

Saturday, May 9, 2015

half a lifetime ago...


Half a lifetime ago
(or was it just yesterday?)

I was twenty three years old.

I had so much love to give...

But I was probably looking
in all the wrong places.

(then again,
it was probably
right under my nose.)

I was crippled by
shyness & homesickness.

I hated my eyebrows.

I didn't realise the power
of my art
or my poetry...

...but I wrote & drew every single day.

'Ramble On' by Led Zeppelin
was a sacred scripture
written just for me.
Jimmy's mandolin strummed
at my very heart & soul,
like angel wings.

I cried. And often.
(but secretly knew
 somewhere deep inside
 that being vulnerable was a strength)

I didn't call my mother
as much as I should have.
I didn't realise how much
they worry about you.

I started to
face up to the childhood monsters
(and wasn't ashamed
 to ask for help with this).

I ate too much chocolate,
slept alot
and hated to exercise. 

I had so much doubt and yet so much ambition.

Every week I tried to do one thing that scared me.

I wanted to be Dr. Seuss when I grew up.

I believed in magic.

I looked after my friends,
and tried to always keep in touch.

And I was in love with Tilda Swinton.


So much
has changed.

And yet...

Nothing at all has changed.

But I am beginning
to love my eyebrows.


(c) Brent Harpur 2015.

"The only things worth living for are innocence & magic." (David Gray)

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

How did any of this happen...? (the lost blog post)



How did any of this
happen?

How does this ever

happen?

I certainly didn't plan any of this.

Let alone 
anticipate it.

It just (well)
happened.

And it doesn't usually happen
like this.

Not for me.

Usually,
it is very simple:

I am in love,
or I am
not.

All. Or. Nothing.

Seldom
an in-between.

But with you
my dear

it was very different.

Right from the start.

With you,
there was immediate

trust.

And when,

two days later
you asked me

"Do you love me?"

And I replied:

"Yes. I think I do."

I have never been so sure
of anything in my entire life.

And then you said:

"I love you, too."

We made love,
saw god in each other's faces
& souls.

And at that point,
my world,
my entire universe

cracked open.

I didn't realise it at the time
(but then again, perhaps I did)

that nothing
would ever be the same.

Ever.

Again. 


There would be
two defining points
in my life from that moment.

Before I met you.
And
everything
after
those first two words
you said to me:

"Don't disappear."

Now,
nearly three months on
there is no
all or nothing.

I've spent a mere
eighteen days
at your side.

And
alone & together
I have barely known you

for (less than)
twelve weeks.

And yet.

And yet.

I feel like
you & I have known each other
forever.

And in such
a short time
my dear

I think you may know me
better
(certainly more about me)

than anyone else I know
on this entire planet.

How did any of this happen?

The last eight days
we were together in the desert,

even the times when we
lost each other:

I found myself
falling even more
in love with you
that I already was.

A little more
every day.

I've never experienced this before. 

A love
multiplying,
growing little by little by little.

I have never felt this before.
I want you to know I am not afraid.

Is this what it really means
to love,
& to be loved?

I am in uncharted waters.

I am completely
out of my depth here.
I am once more in the water-hole
with you, trusting you.
Skinny-dipping for the first time.

Despite my blindness,
driving a car for the first time.

Seeing shooting stars
with someone else
for the first time.  

How did any of this happen?
What comes next??
When will I see you again???

Nothing is certain.
But this "tremendous" heart

wants
(needs?) you to know
one thing.

That last night we were together.

At four am,
when I woke up
and sobbed so many tears.

And you held me.
Comforted me.

I just want
you to know...

These were not tears
that came from knowing
that later
that same morning
we were
due to part.

No. 

These were tears
that came from knowing:

I had finally...

(certainly for the first time
in nearly eight years,
perhaps forty-six years
or a thousand?)

...found someone
I felt safe enough
to let it all 
come flooding out
with.

And
to just

cry.

Be vulnerable. 

Just knowing

I was with someone...

Someone I trusted.

Someone who would hold me,
protect me.

And love me.

I just wanted to tell you that.

And now you know. 

(thank you)

How did any of this happen? How did any of this happen??

I don't know.

All I know
(with any certainty at all)
is this,

my dear:

I am so glad,
so delighted

that it has
happened
with

you.



(c) Brent Harpur 2015. 


“The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.” (J.M Barrie)

“Pan, who and what art thou?" he cried huskily.
"I'm youth, I'm joy," Peter answered at a venture, "I'm a little bird that has broken out of the egg."
(J.M. Barrie)

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” (Willie Nelson)

Footnote:
This poem was originally posted (and then promptly unposted a day later) on 21/4/2015. (Stop censoring yourself, Brent!!)

 

Monday, April 20, 2015

Fifteen Things I Have Come to Realise, In Her Absence...


Fifteen things I have come to realise, 
in her absence... *

* (in no partlcular order)

15. The Dr Seuss book 'Oh the Places You Will Go' will always sound best when read to you aloud & in an American accent.

14. When I eat mandarins, I get erotic thoughts.

13. Bruce Springsteen's 'Born to Run' album has become the unofficial soundtrack to my life.

12. Autumn is the most beautiful Season.

11. Kindred spirits & soul mates are generally not to be found on a crowded beach or in a noisy bar. **

10. When it comes to matters of the heart, I am a complete beginner.

9. Neil Gaiman and pumpkin soup cannot cure a bad case of "missing someone blues". However, they can come damn close.
(PS Patti Smith is the sexiest woman alive!!)

8. Even a chocoholic can get sick of chocolate.

7. Crickets & tree frogs can rival the beauty of birdsong.

6. When I grow up, I still want to be Han Solo.

5. Hand-written love letters from someone you love are the best thing in the entire Universe!!

4. Dragonflies have become more significant now than butterflies.

3. True friends allow you to feel sadness or disappointment. ***

2. Magic exists.

1.The Beatles were right: "Love is all you need."


** (unless the bar is hosting a poetry event.)
*** (or extreme homesickness.)


(c) Brent Harpur, 2015.

"Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone for others. Unfold your own myth." (Rumi)

"Just wrap your legs around these velvet rims & strap your hands across my engines." (Bruce Springsteen)