a tiny piece...

and there is
still
a tiny piece
of you
in everything

I do.

someone once told me
that every
relationship we have
gifts us something
&
equally
takes something away.

I hope you liked the movie photos.
I bought them
the day you got the job.

I so wanted to keep them
for myself,
but everytime I looked at them,
they reminded me
of you...

And last Xmas,
sitting by your side,
while you intensely looked
at a movie poster
of 'the Dark Crystal'.

I felt a tingle,
goosebumps in my hair,
intuition,
or perhaps

a good disturbance in the Force.

There's a partial eclipse today.
It got me thinking:

Why is it so easy
to find company,
but so much harder to find
someone
that wants
to share
their life with you?

So much has happened in the last eight weeks!
I am blessed.
Blessed beyond belief!

I have more in my life
right now
than I have ever had.

And I'm
finally back in that place
I was (in June of last year):

Truly living in the moment.

And there is
still
a tiny piece
of you
in everything

I do.

(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"Wings? I don't have wings."
"Of course not! You're a boy!!"
(Jen & Kira, 'The Dark Crystal'.)

I was blessed...

I was blessed
(cursed?)

with
a head that
thinks
too much

& a heart that
feels
too much.

although
(I have discovered)

kissing

seems to be
a healthy
method of distraction
from the two.

and it appears
(of late)
my lips have been blessed

to discover
another great kisser!


(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open."
Agnes De Mille

11.11.11

if it
is indeed true
that we
forget what it is
we really want to remember

and remember
what we'd rather forget

then let me
write this down,

on today of all days,
so this ink
and
this paper
shall remember

long after I forget.

I remember...

blue paper butterflies
dancing in the tree,

mud cake & ice cream
melting in late afternoon sun,

a woollen picnic blanket,

your yellow dress,

you complementing my red shirt,

Oliver Jeffers,

a tiny bottle of bubbles

and the delight in discovering
why I hadn't bought you that book

finding another believer
in the (last) known Gospel
according to Theodore Geisel.

From afar,
wherever you are

on this very
auspicious day...

I wish you:

MANY

HAPPY

RETURNS.

(c) Brent M Harpur, 11/11/2011.

"So, be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!"
(Dr. Seuss)

star in pisces...

And I long
for that ancient
astronomer's song;

I turn my telescope
inward,
beneath skin
and chest
and bone...

You shine
oh so brightly in there,
my dear!

Oh!
To kiss you in that place
when Van gogh painted
'Starry Starry Night'.

You know the place I mean:
That sacred place,
where paint-stained brush
it kisses the blank canvas
for the very first time.

But until
your tender fever burn &
eventual return;
the first bird of dawn,
its sweet song
will be all to keep me warm

come distant morning.

And, as I close my eyes,
maybe tonight
I'll be entertained by your company
(and sweet touch) -

In slumber.

For, since tasting
your lips
that (first) sweet time,
I now:

live in dream
and
dream in life.

(is this what it feels like to be a Pisces star?)

I relax (a little)
in comfort, knowing...
that even though
(from this earthbound window
 & failing cornea)

I cannot see your star:

I sense (by intuition alone)
that you are out there...

Spinning!

Dancing!!

Shining!!!

Igniting the heavens
in a million shades of
purple, red & blue!

Beyond compare!! -
All the other stars in the night sky
pale (and quiver and sigh)
by your
wondrous
& unique beauty.

And
even though
I have a funny way of showing it
(in my shy & private way):

I am truly blessed
to have you here...

in my

slightly
expanding
universe. *


(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

* PS: (I make no apologies at this point for appearing the sentimental fool...)

"If the Sun and Moon should ever doubt/
They'd immediately go out."
(William Blake)

Star-fire light my way...

i.

Oh!
Precious night, she trembles!!
Star-fire
light my way.

If I'm not destined
to move inside her
heavenly skies tonight,
let me instead lie here
- close, yet far...

At her gentle-loud side.
Drink from fierce tide
& ragged constellation;
Sup from heavenly core,
leave her wanting

more.

Remember:

Tongue in bellybutton,
fingers in mouth,
lips nibbling ear,
warm breath on perfect back.

Let me
feast upon her shame,
replace it with
fiery-wet kisses & heart tremors;

Oh! Precious night,
she trembles!!

Goosebumps rise,
a perfect disguise:
Sun rise,
Sun set,
Sun rise!!

I can feel her heart beating
in her fingerprints.

Taste her DNA in the salty sweat
on her swan-like neck.

Catch a glimpse of heaven now
in her star-fire eyes.

Her touch ignites this blank canvas.

ii.

God, he has forsaken me -
or perhaps I him?

But maybe (through her) he has returned?
Her kisses awaken me,
like Lazarus.

Maybe he is offering this heathen
one last chance
(one last heavenly dance)...?

To see.

And to walk together,
hand in trembling hand;
skip, run, laugh, sing

& have a picnic
(feast on unending avocado & mango):

Here,
in Paradise's Garden.

Oh!
Precious night, she trembles!!
Star-fire
light my (her/our)
way.

(c) Brent M Harpur, October, 2011.

(This is not a poem. Merely words that I recently transcribed from the goosebumps/braille that rose on someone's perfect shoulders & upper back, while giving them a massage...)

"I'm an hour from arriving,
Three from where I rose to go -
And maybe two from where I'll find you,
Between the world and all I know."
(Joe Henry)

childhood slowly returning...

Can you hear
the whisper of stars...?

The first birds of dawn are stirring outside my window,
I open it to let in their song.

Stretching like a cat,
I stumble upstairs for breakfast...

Looking down
from the balcony of my apartment,
I see
tangled in the branches of trees:
tiny cars.

Four hot air balloons
drift slowly over dawn's sleepy skyline,
reminding me of a page
from my
(her/our)
favourite book.

Spring embraces,
sunlight tingles the hairs on my arm.
Her rays transform me.

I smile to myself
like I am the first person on earth
to invent smiling.

I crave avocado & goat's cheese,
but make do with my weetbix & milk.

I am a boy again,
the world awaits me.
I have finally shaken off the big city...

I trade it all in for wide 'Cookie Monster' eyes,
a sense of wonder & adventure.

Later that day,
at the National Gallery of Victoria...

I'm (somewhat)
relieved to find
that I am still that little boy;

You know the one.

The one who
(trying to peer in just that little bit further
than everyone else)
still hits his head on
museum & gallery
glass displays & windows.

Can you hear
the whisper of stars...?

It is really
the sounds of

childhood
slowly
returning.

(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"I see through my eyes, not with them." (William Blake)

the best damn job in the universe...

Someone wise once said
that a teacher affects eternity,
as they don't know where their influence ends...

but what is it that
influences a teacher?

perhaps it is a friend
back in Sydney
who
reminds another friend
that they have spent
half of their life
spreading joy
& teaching others...?

or perhaps it is
being presented with
a tiny towel
with a ribbon tied around it
in a bow,
at a train station
at the end of the universe...?

no,
I think it was the next morning...

I think it was
upon seeing
a collection of letters
written by children,
to their beloved teacher;
when discovering she was leaving.

At the very bottom of
one of the letters,
I noticed
the ink in the words
was running, smeared,
stained by a teardrop.

And at that very moment
I feel tears run down my own face.
I am filled with delight
that my newest, dearest friend
has reminded me:

I have
the BEST
damn job
in the entire
world
UNIVERSE!!


-For Corinne :)

(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"If adults are happy, they give children a reason to want to grow up." (Dr. Patch Adams)

When love comes to call...

When love comes to call
at 4am,
will you be ready?

Or will you say
"No! I don't love you..."
& then in the next sentence
admit that
you don't even know
what love is.

I do not know either,
but I think that I love you.

Yes, I do not know what love is...

But here are some things that it is not,
either:

Love is not
a flashflood,
a tsunami,
or an earthquake
topplin' your cathedral...

Love is not
a nuclear reactor's core
melting down,
or radioactive dirty water
pouring into the Pacific.

Love is not
an out of control forest blaze
or a failing corneal graft.

Maybe
it is a gentle,
silent murmur.

Or a quiet collision
of starry opposites;
of gung-ho & hold back,
conservative & romantic,
iceberg & titanic.

Maybe it is someone
gently touching your face
while you become one
with each other's skin.

Maybe it is someone
choosing not to run away
when the other admits
that they want a baby.

Maybe it is finding strength
in being vulnerable,
kissing like you invented it,
choosing a super-power
of freezing time
over breathing underwater...

Perhaps
love is the space
between man and woman
that does not really exist.

And perhaps
it is just the
discarding of difference
& diversity
and cultural wall building,
common sense,
baggage,
bullshit & bodyparts.

And being able to
freely admit to one another
that you are
truly one of the same heart.

I used to suffer from such
a terrible disability.

Since meeting you,
I am no longer shy.
Thank you for giving me
back my courage.

I will say it again, as it deserves repeating:

"THANK YOU for giving me
back my courage!!"

I still
do not
know what love is,
but I'm a little more ready for it now...

...should it come calling
at 4am in the morning.

(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the Heart's affections & the truth of the Imagination." (John Keats)

stars & bars & the answer to life, the universe & everything...

Oh to find some
love or joy in this world
is never that simple
But last night (in a bar in Fitzroy)
I met a girl like me
who had a missing dimple.

She immediately struck me
about the head like a gold brick!

(apologies, Douglas)

It has been a while
since I have made a connection
with such a kindred heart;
Maybe it was
just the mutual appreciation
of Mr. Adams,
or a love for teaching art?

Whatever it was,
amongst the smokers' glittering stars
she was a breath of fresh air,
with her beautiful soul, smile & mind;
Removing my wooly glove
I took her hand, leading her outside
& for a moment I was no longer blind.

I hope I bump into her again,
feast on a few more precious words;
hear & see the constellations
spilling from her genuine
smiling eyes...
If only it is
just to thank her for briefly
filling my night
with some Douglas-like
wonder, humour & surprise!

A parting hug in Brunswick Street
& she was gone.
I wandered lost but homeward bound;
With the feeling Arthur Dent must have felt
when he first met a girl
whose feet never touched the ground.

(it seems silly to mention it now,
but before we even started talking
about the genius of Douglas Adams,
I wanted to tell her
that she somehow reminded me
of Trillian...

Not the TV
or radioplay
or film version.

How I imagined she would look,
all those years ago
when I first read the book...)
This morning
I lie here, more than a little wrecked,
(il communicado)
a babel fish slipping
from my ear into my bed;
I am delighted to discover
that I can still see her
"answer to life, the universe & everything"
smile blazing
in the expanding universe
within my head.

You were right, Douglas!
It REALLY is...

"42".

-for Corinne :)

(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." (Douglas Adams)

when choosing totems...

A warning:
When choosing totems...

I (foolishly) let my heart decide
that every time
I saw a magpie,
I would spare a thought
in my heart
for you.

But I've only
been out for half an hour today,
and I've already seen
ten of the little buggers!!

There are a lot of
bloody magpies
in Victoria,
this time of year...

And you,
too
should be advised
and take heed:

There are
a LOT
of butterflies
in this world.

(c)Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"Love,as is told by the seers of old, Comes as a butterfly tipped with gold, Flutters & flies in sunlit skies, Weaving round hearts that were one time cold."

nothing of great value...

It is true,
I have nothing.
Nothing of great value
to offer this world...

So I will leave a trail of words.

Or perhaps
(since I met you)
one word will suffice.

These words were born
from the first time we kissed,
held hands
or walked arm in arm in public.

These words came from a place
where your hand
gently touched my face
as I moved inside you.

Starlight burns
in this fading cornea now,
igniting the room
from the inside out!!

I am born again,
from angry (yet fragile) fire
& trembling crescent moon.

Inside this slight frame,
(away from earthly view)
there is a heaven in these words.

And in this heaven, I have created:

Orion & Sirius are side by side.

There is only love & no fear.

Remember,
scorpions are loyal
& the best of friends.

And in these words,
there is a place where the secret un-uttered
language of lovers
effortlessly merges
with early morning birdsong
& crackle of tram spark.

I am alone now,
but I do not feel alone.

You are still with me:

In every step.
In every dream.
In every smile from a stranger
on public transport.

And since I met you:

Whenever I now
open my mouth to speak,
I will think first.
Think first and then
Let go of most of my clumsy vocabulary.

These words, they no longer matter.
I can say so much more
without speaking.

I discard the world's dictionaries,
and find true language & meaning
in silence.

The only word I will utter now
(with any
reverence,
effort
or necessity)
is...

"significant".

(c)Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind." (Kahlil Gibran)

new city, new moon, new beginning...

A new moon
smiles overhead.

The stars have fallen
from fedora-grey skies
and scatter
along these strangely familiar
rain-stained alleyways
& streets...

...Leading him on,
though his vision be blurred,
leading him ever on;

these grounded
(yet still shining) constellations
a reminder to this wary
(but happy) traveler
that he has
(after forty two long/short years)
finally
found his way home.

It is
a new city,
a new moon
a new beginning;

It is a time to shine,
girls & boys!

A time to shine!!

(c) Brent M Harpur, 26 July, 2011.

"Follow your bliss & the universe will open doors
for you where there were only walls...” (Joseph Campbell)

-thanks to Sam for the quote. I have always loved Mr. Campbell.

not a poem...

This is not a poem.

I decided on the 5th November (last year)

that I wanted to move to Melbourne.

On the 6th November

I met the most amazing woman

I have ever met.

And during our first two hours together,

in a crowded, noisy bar

I told her that I wanted to do this.

This same night we discovered a mutual appreciation for:

Museums, goat's cheese, Alice in Wonderland, avocado, sci fi, Star Wars,

the Muppets, children's books...

the list could go on for quite some time...

Yesterday morning,

the 22nd of June

my third morning in my new home,

I met with this amazing woman again.

and we spent three precious and special hours together,

having breakfast, coffee, exploring the back streets & alleyways

and shops

of one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

She is just about to embark on her own journey.

I am just gladdened that

(before she left)

she got to visit me in my new home...

One that I told her about

eight short months ago,

in the Golden Barley Hotel.

Godspeed,

Sweet Princess Jess!!

Keep in touch...

(23 June 2011)

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart." (Jung)



scattering of joy

"This short, precious life, I have spent so much time scattering joy to so many. A move to another state in Australia feels so right, so why am I equally terrified as well as excited? I have been wanting to move to Melbourne ever since I went there as a young art student, way back in late 1993, to see a Van Gogh exhibition. It felt right then, it felt right a year and a half ago, it feels like "home"...

(not many places have felt like that, even most of NZ)

I have many dear friends here in Sydney now, but it is not enough. I have family, but it is not enough either. I came to Australia for my career. I had taken things as far as I could take them in New Zealand.

Without work (paid or otherwise), constant work, MY work - the work I've chosen, that chose me!! (the work that I created that  I can see to do, when there are a lot of things I cannot see enough to do in this world) - The teaching, the aforementioned "scattering of joy" (apologies, Emerson) & light.

Without a constant market willing to give me that work, family and friends will never be enough. Like it says in the song, "just cause I'm leaving, doesn't mean I love you any less"... I feel stuck, broke, heartbroke, helpless, my self esteem wavering, unsure.

I must once again employ & re-engage my troubador heart... Painfully extract my roots from this so-called home. Throw myself to the wind, uncertainty, change and the challenge once more;

Begin again, shed this snake's skin again!! Pack my bags, discard the clutter and safety I've built around me... I must follow and listen to my heart's call and voice once more. My intuition tells me that this is the right time. Melbourne's harsh winter does not scare this 'kiwi boy'.

Like I said somewhere above... For all those I leave behind, I love you no less!! The precious moments we've shared over the last three years, they inspire me still. I close my eyes and so many memories make me smile. They will add fuel to my journey ahead, light my uncertain path and help me grow more confident. Sure, I am broke, brokenhearted, more than a little scared - but I am happy.

The time is right. NOW. This monkey's journey begins again: Your blessings & well wishes mean the world to me - let's stay in touch... in this crazy, beautiful rollercoaster adventure called life!! And your company in the journey makes it SO MUCH more enjoyable & memorable!!"

(BRENT HARPUR, 9/5/2011.)

"A ship is safe in harbour - but that's not what ships are for." (John Shedd)

FOOTNOTE: I actually decided to move on my birthday, November 5th, 2010. But I was distracted from this decision for a little while. A big thank you to the distraction. Life sometimes surprises me in delightful & wonderful ways I could never have dreamt possible!! (thank you, JC)

Orion Chase Sirius

eleven short years
have passed.

I am no longer
the failed astronomer...

I guess I am now the
unfailed
(er)
failed
failed astronomer.

thank you for the
BEST five months of my life.

(I am more afraid
of never seeing your smile again,
than I am of going blind)

these hands
that you once so lovingly admired,
they are now covered
in self-inflicted scars;

You pulled a loose thread
on my heart, girl
& have unwittingly
unraveled the stars.

& when I used to move
inside you,
you'd gently touch my face
& I'd close my eyes;

and in the darkness I'd see
a glimpse of eternity,
an expanding universe
of mystery:

& Orion chase Sirius
across
your moon-lit skies!!

***

I close my eyes,
wherever you are
your smile
will always burn inside me...

Like a fucken supernova!!

(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

"I like to think that the moon is there, even if I am not looking at it." (Albert Einstein)

stars born of the same sky (Dec 4)

(i) These words are not to hurt you,
to mislead or confuse
They were written in the stars tonight
for my favourite muse.


(ii) I've felt the space between sun & star
seen snow fall on sandy beach
Know so little to have come so far
Your sweet eclipse just out of reach.

(iii) My life it is an open book
when I am with you I have nothing to hide
You touch my heart, steal it to a secret place
where the sun & moon collide.


(iv) And as the cells of this
borrowed cornea slowly die
the constellations, one by one,
they fade from view
May delight & desire
set your star on fire
for my love is blind but true.

(v) And in different beds
we may both lie
But I feel we may be...

Stars
born
of
the
same
sky.


(c) Brent M Harpur, 4th Dec 2010.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." (Anais Nin)

Footnote:
"I wrote this poem late last year, and it really did come from the deepest constellation in my heart. I am now attempting to put a tune to it,  so I can play it on the ukelele or piano. And the woman I wrote it for still makes my heart flutter, every time she smiles in my general direction. My life will never be the same again..." (Brent Harpur, 11 April 2011.)

dancing star (i) glasgow winter

today I saw a young woman
struggling with a suitcase
on the train.

dancing star,
near or far,
just remember that 
wherever you are:

you are filled with courage
and fire
and
I am so, so proud of you, girl.

try not to be angry.
learn to channel that anger
into your art

your dancing peers
are not always your best friends
or housemates

make new friends
with different kinds of creatives,
they'll inspire and nurture you
in ways
you never dreamt
possible.

(and they'll share their chocolate & music with you)

and I,
I who have nothing of great value,
all I have to offer you 
from this tyranny of distance
are these tiny few words...


when you have to venture out
into this overlong,
harsh glasgow winter
hold these words
tightly in your hands!!

may their warmth
gently tickle & burn
within your palms,
ignite embers in your heart,
& your wings

and your feet


may they light your path,
take the edge off these seasonal chills,
melt the snow and anger away.

close your eyes for a moment,
and you'll see
a flicker of blue flame
behind your lids
feel its glow,
be filled with wonder,
birdsong & my
invincible
summer.


and it bears repeating:
I AM SO, SO PROUD OF YOU, GIRL!

(never, ever forget that)


(c) Brent M Harpur, 2011.

- For VK


"For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move." (robert louis stevenson)